


Nights like this

by Babykomu96



Category: JBJ (Band), Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, If you squint Minhyun/Jinyoung, Insecurity, Kinda, M/M, Mentioned JBJ, Mentioned Yoo Seonho, One Shot, Self-Harm, why am i like this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 05:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14278296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babykomu96/pseuds/Babykomu96
Summary: At nights like this, when Hyunbin is lying awake in his bed. Where the only sounds that can be heard is the rain hitting against the window and the soft breathing from the bed next to him. At such sleepless night, when the fun has passed and the laughter has faded and everything that is left are him and his thoughts.At such nights, Hyunbin feels insecure.





	Nights like this

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~  
> I don't know why but today I felt like writing an one-shot and this is the result. (Instead of finishing my story...)  
> It's kind of dark so be warned!

At nights like this, when Hyunbin is lying awake in his bed. Where the only sounds that can be heard is the rain hitting against the window and the even breathing from the bed next to him. At such sleepless night, when the fun has passed and the laughter has faded and everything that is left are him and his thoughts. At such nights, Hyunbin feels insecure.

A year has passed since he joined the show that changed his life. The place where he met him. Minhyun. The place where they get to know each other, laughed together, cried together, sweat together and comforted each other. And also, the place where they held hands, embraced each other and kissed for the first time. He can still remember it clearly. They were the only ones that were still awake and they talked until the edge of the sky was slowly painted in purple and orange. It was a beautiful sight that made him forget about his sorrows for a while. At this moment he felt the others’ hand on top of his own, which appeared so strong and secure even though they were a little bit smaller than his own. Their eyes met and before he knew it, the elder closed the distance between them. The kiss was beautiful and perfect.

But a lot of time passed by since then. He thinks back to the time when he didn’t make the cut and how he cried on that day, surrounded by his dear friends. Feeling thankful for the fact that he survived that long but at the same time sad that he couldn’t go a step further. Back then, they met afterwards at a place where no one could see them. The older hugged him while he still cried in his embrace. Clinging onto him. Not wanting to let him go because somehow he knew, deep down, that if he let go everything will change. He wanted to stay like this, in their own world, a little longer. But nothing last forever and this moment too, ends when they kiss goodbye.

Everything will change. He thought again, the moment he clapped and cheered when the other’s name was announced at the 9th place. He looked up to where the older was sitting and noticed how far away and out of reach the other was. The show was over. His feet dragged him to his two most favourite person and he hugged them. It was the first time he saw the other cry and he was disappointed that not him but Seonho could cheer him up. There were so many people congratulating the winners that he couldn’t catch a moment with him alone. In the end he left and all Hyunbin could see was his back turned towards him.

And everything did change. The older got busy right away and the time they could see or even contact each other got less and less. Until it became a full week where he stared at his phone hoping for a little sign from the other. But none. After a while, he got busy himself. JBJ. He could distract himself from all the thoughts that started to creep in slowly. As long as he worked until he was exhausted they couldn’t take over. Their debut was successful and they could even perform at an award show. Where, for a short time, he could see the other again. They talked and laughed and everything was fine. That is what he thought. But. He saw it. It’s not that he didn’t notice it before but it got more obvious. They got more obvious. And since then he searched. Even now, like all the other sleepless night before, he searched them up on his phone.

He can’t help himself from thinking how the two of them looks good together. He can’t help himself from noticing how soft the others’ eyes get each time they fall on the much younger boy or how often he hugs him or caress the boy’s hair the same way he used to caress his hair. And in a way he can’t help but understand the older. Because Jinyoung is gorgeous. He is more beautiful. More talented. And in many ways more fitting for the older than him. In his head he understands all of that, so why can’t he help but resent the younger boy at times? Or is he resenting the fact that he isn’t him? He doesn’t know.

All he knows is that at nights like this, his chest feels suffocating from all the pain. Breathing gets harder and it feels like the walls are closing in on him. His sight gets blurry and his body is shaking and he can’t do nothing to stop all the dark thoughts from pouring into his head and drowning helplessly in them. They whisper that he isn’t good enough. That the only reason why he is an idol is because of his face and the name behind his company and not because he earned it himself. That it’s his fault that his group can’t last longer. That he didn’t deserve all the fame. That he will never fulfil his dreams and that Minhyun is better off without him. He hears all the whispers that haunted him from back then getting louder. Feels all the past weird stares at his abnormal long legs, which resulted in him covering them up. But the stares remains and turns into itches that he can’t get rid of. He started scratching until his skin is getting rough and starts bleeding. In this moment he feels nothing and everything at once. And it’s all too much for him to handle.

At nights like this, he finds himself drenched from the rain and standing breathlessly in front of a familiar door. And like all the many times before, Hyunbin hesitates before he rings the bell and like always it doesn’t take long before he opens the door, fatigue obvious in his face. But nevertheless he smiles and just opens his arms welcomingly. And like all the times before, Hyunbin falls into them and can’t help himself from crying. Maybe because he is an idiot for losing against all these thoughts over and over again or maybe because he is just relieved that the other still cares a lot about him. He doesn’t know. All he knows is that the fingers that are brushing through his hair softly and the kisses on his forehead, lessen the noise in head. He let the other lead him to his bed, where he treats the still fresh wounds. It burns but he is too exhausted to even blink an eye. He just close them. He hears shuffling and then another weight on the bed. The older embraces him tightly and whispers how much he loves everything about him. His voice. His height. His legs. He repeats them until the younger boy drifts off to sleep. And the voices finally shut up. Until another night like this comes again.

**Author's Note:**

> Well...
> 
> Hyunbin seemes to always suffer in my ffs and I'm feeling so guilty T-T  
> But I hope you enjoyed it! And I would always be happy about comments so feel free to do so.


End file.
